The new Frontier

Evertime I hear a very twangy guitar (walking baseline? maybe) stomping beat I feel like I should be in a Western where I am that super naturally hot girl getting water from the well and outta nowhere the bad guys! but it doesn't matter because our heroine (me) is a lightning fast trick shot cuz her Daddy he taught her them things. Ew only I don't talk like that. Because I'm also hella smart. Maybe I run the brothel. Or moonshine? I think I sell moonshine. As a tonic. Herb infused. Delish.

I love walking outside when the weather is partially inclement as no one else is ever out walking - in particular their dogs so I tend to have/make space for myself and my mind flies when I have the world as a soothing, albeit punctuated with stimuli, backdrop and as per usual the iPod (this is the cusp of marking me as a luddite, I'm cool with it) on the random shuffle. The dog is truly walking herself at this point I'm just kind of along for the companionship.
Oh and the shit.
Anyhoo, I love the suspension of time when I move through the Nature by myself. It's low level Disney, the dog, tongue lolling out the side of her mouth bounding in and out of my sight/water while rabbits pop up and well, the birds are probably singing but so's Britney so...
It's really easy to let go of the chatter in my mind and follow one track as far as it wants to go. Experiencing the profundity that comes with fleeting, whispered thoughts.

The only time I judge people blasting music is if I don't feel like listening to that tune. Unless, of course, you are GIVEN'ER and then I am always going to slow clap unbridled enthusiasm. Oh and if your sound system sucks but then I'm like well, you're probably a yoot and have zero scratch so you are not to hide your music loving light under no judgey bushell! Forget I said anything! Movin on

I do need to find another music sourcing website from someone with taste as random as mine - although I already lose days to the intergoogles so I probably should use a Universe wish on something else. Like the shekels I need for my new snazzy pad. With a balcony for Moubebe. She is a murderer so hopefully the Toronto wildlife is a little more quick on the uptake. Good luck, Toronto wildlife. She's a ninja. Who likes butter, don't be yellow.

I have really been cooking/baking up a storm at work. I really love experimentation in the kitchen, I just learned how to make brown butter - the key for me, don't get distracted which, if you have been reading along, is a life goal and easier said blah, blah, blah. Baking and I still give each other the side eye as it's all you must be specific! and I'm all hey! look what I made. I'm pretty much a poster child for the Pinterest 'Nailed it!' Tumblr.  Totally not sad about it - everyone has to start somewhere and I truly feel my deep, unwavering love for food in all it's incantations will see me through. I'm happy summer is around the corner as it means the Croatian side will start going to the various parks for 'Mass' and more accurately, for me at least, the roasted meats. I really am repeating myself here but as much as I love animals, I do!, I feel joy seeing lambs and pigs turning on spits. It low level drives my cousin JB crazy as she is a champion of those who can't for themselves, children and animals, which I love her for and aspire to - in a sense. Anyhoo, I got the memo - pigs are intelligent as shit. I smell bacon and my care about anything other than me shivels to less than a memory. My BFF sent me a picture of smoked sausage. It's part of our bond and a real soul deep love - my eyes roll back in my head, I lose the power of all my senses for any external focus. Do I talk about food all the time? Yes! Will I have a cessation of this topic? Unlikely, but I am also more than willing to let others go on about their clean eating, artistic passions, crazy adventures, new romances etc. I kind also just love to talk all the time in general but there is so much! People are so varied and interesting and compelling. Even those I'd cheerfully throat punch. Those people are few and far between as I am aware it takes all paths and there is no way of knowing the travels of others unless invited to share. Which is to care.

I need to buy seeds for the bees. I'm concerned. Monsanto, I blame you. There is a million better links out there about why they are the tool of the devil but you can decide for yourself how much concern research is your cup of tea.

I'd like to make a run for the border as my 'wife' - short version, after 3 bottles of wine for my belated birthday we married each other, serving as one another witnesses to 'All that you can't leave behind' by our friends U2 - has her birthday coming up just in time for a long weekend and frankly, I adore fireworks. I mean, my Wif. Who, I hope, also loves a show to rival the Niagara Falls display. I need to consult with BellaMio to see if we can add that to the roadtrip - which means I  need a new roadtrip playlist. Thank you, my various friends, who just understand what playing car DJ means to me.

a haiku

need some gunpowder
light and sound meditation
is it party time?

xo

So live your life

The problem with do unto others is that not many people like themselves. Not that we are all meandering, hollow, misanthropes but that there is some part of you, you don’t like so it festers in you until it fills your eyes and you look for it around you so you can be mad at that/them instead.

Or just me, either way. 

It would explain some of the vitriol, the festering. Bubbles up.

I have this picture of my nephew that makes me so happy.  One of his parents has just got him to laugh and it is caught at the perfect moment of hilarity. He’s a mix of Croatian and Scottish and Mauritian genes. He goddamn gorgeous (no bias) and in this particular photo he looks like the Buddha beaming love and I am immediately filled with serenity.  Everything is going to be okay.

He is cuter than most though. So…

OHEMGEE! I have tickets to spectacle of the century. Honestly, I am going to have to get some blood thinners to prevent any kind of aneurysm as when I think of (I’m low level hyperventilating) (deep breath) the On The Run Tour, I vibrate with joy. I will lose my voice, dry-heave from the screaming and dehydration and actually have to remind myself in 4 minute rotations to calm the fuck down. OVERJOYED! OV!ER!JOYED! I’m so happy the part of me that also thinks I’m a loon is drowned by the stadium volume Yonce soundtrack  playing in my mind. I need to make a shirt. Omigod, I know what it is. HeeHeeHee!

Oh and if you haven’t downloaded Pharrell’s album, you’relate. 

Game of thrones is really good. I’m thrilled I have a new episode to watch and

SPOILER ALERT!!

That rancid, sniveling, psychotic, insufferable piece of worm shit Joffre is totally fucking dead. Fuck you, Joffre.  HAYCHEW. I feel fine about that. 

I’ve been trying to fill my life with positivity. Like a ray of sunshine.  I am, in fact, screen capturing all the inspirational (to me) quotes that float across my radar, ‘Liking” uplifting Pages, etc. Being nice to people. I mean, I’m pretty nice but there is one group in my professional life that I am not kind to. It’s not nice and energy draining. Bollucks to that. Oh man, it’s work sometimes to stay up. I must needa new song. Found it. 

I was just in Vegas with the best group of people, a collection of camaraderie, a mess of misfits, delightful denizens of decadence. [Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted kasha beautiful life) Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted] and then we [Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted Redacted] like you wouldn’t believe. But that one night wewere ballers (Thanks JM!) and I danced my face off was glorious and liberating. I left it all on the dancefloor.  And then had a steam. Yes.

Austin, I’m coming for you. I don’t know when, I want it to be tomorrow. You siren, you’re so hot.  

I need to bring my bike home this week,  having left it at work for some time, and be crackin at the free yoga I never avail myself to. And I love the community there. And the three hotdudes. I really love them. Back row it is. No, you’re fine where you are. Sure, I can see the mirror. 

I can almost feel the heat, I can’t wait to sweat and stare.

I really want sound advice as to what I can do when I see something in the world where I want to help make change - in this moment the girls of Nigeria #bringbackourgirls - i am tweeting/facebooking etc like a champ and I am aware of donating these things called dollars and I am perpetually brought back to the quote:

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - was attributed to Margaret Mead was a radical, incredible individual

But how do I send out ripples where people around me (and then around them) really stop believing in the zero sum mentality and more in the notion that if we all are good to each other we get further collectively and are happier? It's really peculiar to me that people give a shit about whom others are sleeping with and no shits about women being assaulted around the globe or the poisonous chemicals snuck into our food/environment. Maybe the media, but it's earlier than that about fostering a curious mind and being open to others' input/opinions and a desire to see how we all interact. Or something. I have also seen how off putting it is to come at someone full force that is diametrically opposed to one's own view. There is magic in being able to respectfully engage in conversation and even budge an entrenched belief system/thoughts/morals. There is something there that I really want to dig deeper and "be the change" My life's work, perhaps.






I bought a bunch of ingredients to make dulce de leche brownies at work (thanks Internet!) and because my bag was heavy I dropped it to the ground and now I'm wondering how my eggs (free run!) fared. I am working on a reduction of the times I say, Self! what were you thinking! - except for those times that that thought is followed by a self high five, which I feel, is an underused form of self-love.

High fives

Go have a treat, maybe share it - bonus points if it's a stranger.

A haiku:

Sun beats down on me

Drops bead down my icy glass

I tilt my head back

XO