Do you smell that?

I just caught someone surreptitiously smelling their own pits! I see your arm raise/brace against a wall/casual 'look' around. Don't worry man, I do it too. I LOVE catching people doing things they wish they had an invisibility cloak for. Nose picking, belting out their favourite tunes in the car, buying Nickelback Cds. I wish I had talent as a pickpocket. Not because I need to steal things (yesIdo) just because it would be interesting to test myself and see how long it took to get caught. What kind of outfit would I have as a pickpocket? I was imagining something bedazzled but that might be counterintuitive.

I'll tell you where I play havey cavey with my intestines - I am a regular sniff tester for leftovers. 5 days old? quick olfactory check-in...it's good! If not, sometime almost being burnt to a crescinder on my stove top while I check out the balcony should fix anything nefarious. I do claim to be part goat, there are many instances where a friend has asked, "Did you feel okay after that seafood medley we ate off a street cart at 3am?" Never better! Thank you for asking. The only time my intestines trip me up is when I have forgotten about how much hot sauce I put on something the night before. God damn I love hot sauce.  As a side note if you aren't visiting www.theoatmeal.com on the regular, you are missing out. Holy hannah, I love a poster about grammar. I try, you know. I feel like I have a 90% success rate. Or maybe I think I'm way smarter than I actually am. NOPE! Not it!

Do you ever get a little lump behind your ear? What does it mean? To WebMD I do not go. Why test a hypochondriac reflex? Ostriches. They're onto something.

I hate being denied treats. I am trying to go gluten free - well, wheat free. I have an addiction - and it's not fun. I hate not fun things. That's a lot of negativity right there. Have this instead:

I need some kind of gif tutorial - I'd spice things up around here but I have a 2/10 success rate and a 1/10 care rate. I'm kidding I do want to jazz things up, I just have a lazy streak. 

I'll tell you what's not ok. Scent amnesia. I am going to one day make a public service announcement on this issue. That there is a need for one is a sad testament to our entitled society/the state of common sense and yet... If you are putting 3+ sprays on, you hate everyone. Or they hate you, hard to say. Here's the thing, you get used to certain smells. Your family house, dutch oven-ing your partner, the back alley (not a euphamism), springtime air etc. Then your brain needs more to nudge the part of you that is aware of smelling so you go get more. This is exemplified by you sit down after your freshy-fresh shower, you have a nice outfit on and still people are giving you the oompa loompa/I'ma cut you hairy eyeball. It's because you are GAGGING us with your favourite scent. It's all I can think about! The thing with any kind of scent is that it's meant for someone who gets in your intimate space, not a goddamn public foghorn announcement.  Despite all my rage. Few things get me really riled up but all my feathers are on high alert when someone is making the oxygen around us flee, screaming.  I need to simmer down.

You know what will wake me out of a dead sleep? God's vagina. Yes. Sweet, sweet bacon. 

oh and this is my POWER song today. Boom! Boom!

a haiku:

I love bacon

you never marry ninjas 

you take it easy.

xo

I do what I want

I love wearing tights but I hear the not as pants movement. I wish I was like one friend who wears fancy tights with such panache. I often sigh and utter that I would love to wear them with such je ne sais quoi (which is not true - je sais quoi, pure sex). I then get tights, see myself in the mirror - and by see myself, I mean a distorted image - and take them off. 

I wish, wish I had thought to bring water with me. Ever since my camping master made me weight conscious I hate anything that is extra weight. I can pack for 3 days, (work/play/dance-a-thon) in one large-ish purse. I cannot wait to live downtown and not sherpa all my shit around. I feel maybe there is a lesson I am to supposed to be learning in all the time spent on public transit. Oh, sweet time in stasis, I exist. What is my lesson? What am I avoiding? (Don't tell me! lalalala...) I do often love this time to myself. When my iPod is on that is, for I love solace. And belly dancing! Sometimes. I should have a book with me though. I did give Jay-Z' s bio an arching glance but then again it's a big'un. (that's what she said) 


It's chilly out so am thankful I gave in to the notion (reality) winter is here. I am a season denier. I also have a hotter than normal (normal being a qualitative, unsubstantiated word, I know) body temperature and so wear flippy floppies past the point that it looks ok. I hate my feet covered though, too hot. 
My iPod just had a really good streak - what sounds like love to me. Music for saying what I can't,  or haven't had a chance to yet. 


Part of me is so fancy, I love the time spent getting dolled up - dancing in my underwear, pouring on my nice smelling lotion, taking the time to jack up my eyeballs, give myself a sultry look after I get my outfit on. A saucy toss of the hair and a 'Yes, I am goddamn hot' strut. Watch out. 

Part of me feels like this guy:

 
I went to a training session at a yoga studio for an energy exchange which means I will exchange my time once a week for unlimited practice and I am totes mcgotes excited to get flexible. And have a strong core and inner peace with a dash of inner peace. I also am a huge fan of the bartering system and feel it should make a come back. 

I'm trying to get over my fear of sharks. So misunderstood, poor things. You should give the Shark Week series a gander, 'tis illuminating. For instance, did you know those bitches haven't changed in tens of thousands of years? The rest of us are whirligigs of cell evolution. They only 'attack' when sick or dying because we look like seals (so delicious to the toothy set) from below and the slow moving kind. I mean, chances aren't good you'll catch me in more than 4 feet of open water as I give nature the side eye when no one's looking. However! Maligned, poor sharks. 

Remember that time in Helsinki?

And THAT, my friends is how my brain works. 

a haiku:

Wish I spoke French well
oh gluteus maximus
are those your nachos?

xo

The Ugly Cry

Sweet, sweet catharsis

Hold onto your hats but I just watched Beaches for the first time in my life - 

with my friend D sitting beside me (not her first time - amazing that things you have seen a million times still punch the old weep button - not a euphemism for gonads) we looked stoically ahead for most of the film and then. Heaving shoulders, tissues stuck under my glasses frames, blowing noses several times, nigh on hysteria (but not full on hysteria) low wavery tones, some oh gods and then!

Laughter. Because there is one thing (barring the on-set of genuine tragedy) that never fails - looking at a friend in full movie ugly cry is the BEST! Still shudder-y breaths making for staccato sentences, I mean - c'man! - we did just run the emotional gamut that was a testament to the bond of true friendship, the profundity of loss and the heroic strength of carrying on. LAWD! when she sings in this scene - I thought I had been finished with the abject weeping but no. Onwards.  It wasn't you! you're still safe! You have triumphed over the epic, fictionalized emotional adventure. 

I goddamn love the weeping, mostly alone though as I want to be WAHHH! HAHA UNGH snort WAAAHHHH! - either you know what I'm talking about, have seen it in action or have walked away with impeccable timing in your whole life. Or in theatres. I remember one time - I was trying to poke the grey matter to see if it would give me a title. We're fighting. - and in the midst of my delicate saline drops gracefully rolling down my soft cheeks, I turned my head (looking for more kleenex?) and looking diagonally down the seats could see shiny cheeks abound. It did momentarily bounce me out of the movie magic, brain offered sardonic - pussies, all weeping at fake people on celluloid - and then I chided the sardonic voice and settled back into the glass case of emotion. I know that's why some people adore opera. They can EMOTE! I saw La Boheme and sweet Mimi...I say no more in case you were about to run out and get some culture. Or Ballet! Swan Lake! Odile!

anyhoo - I think there's something deeper here about how we are all connected in our humanity through emotion and the language of feeling is universal but really what I wanted to get at is, don't wear mascara. It ruins the sweet release after the purge of emotions.  You want to be all diaphragm breath of letting go and clear minded about the truths you have glimpsed about yourself. No one wants to be all god, that was so beautiful...whatthehell! my face! I look like a Halloween house reject! 

Those Greeks - really onto something with their tragedy/comedy. 

Side note: Anderson Cooper. Your laugh is a sign that the BBJ loves the Pink Tribe. I could watch that on repeat. 

Anyhoo - ugly cry. I get super flushed, all sinus cavities run and my face twists into a unrecognizable mish mash of features. Then I need a settee to fling my self upon and pulled my shambled self together. Or cucumber slices and cool towel wrapped around my face while someone massages me in a soothingly scented room with twittering bird music. 

Ugly crying in summation - It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

a haiku:

Can't fight this feeling

Want to punch dance out my rage

Then let's hug it out

xo 

Double Rainbow

Don't you love those movie snapshot days? There is glory-be sunshine, a soundtrack in your mind/on your iPod/in da club that is WINNING!! and frankly, so are you. 

A popped collar feeling, an almost smug expression flits across your visage but you are so self-assured and rightfully confident that you hold back - such natural rock star predilection has no need to be rubbed in others faces. In fact, I'ma spread it around. You wanna feel this good? Be part of the party of head thrown back laughter, slapped fives, air pistols and looking like the cover of Entourage? Well, go find it - no one hands that shit out. 

I'm sorta kidding there but really, the fall into an amazing party, omidog you wouldn't believe! kind of thing rarely happens. Maybe it does to your one friend, but should you not have noticed, you're not that friend. I'M not that friend. I'd like to be. However, the big baby Jesus has not granted that miracle to me yet. What I do have is, "I'm in."

"I'm in" has had me play rugby, run a marathon, try knitting, go camping up a mountain, win contests and influence people. Whatever you are doing, I'm in. Being all in all the time is awesome. Then it gets you super scheduled. Then you realize you used to love being spontaneous. So whatcha want? whatever came to your mind, it's all you. So how you gonna go get it? 

I'll tell you what I want. I want to be at a cabin (or some huts by the Galapagos) with my homies, my (soon to be) exceptionally hot boyfriend. I'll be paddle boarding around the lush foliage before coming back for a siesta (don't come a-knockin') we're having a luau, we're moonlight dancing in sand. There's fireworks. And not just the bow-chicka-wow kind, oh there'll summat nawimean? I will look up and be centered, knowing I got myself here and I will raise my hands up to the sky and yell with satisfaction. With fire. 

I want to tap into the feeling I have at the top of the hill on a roller coaster (first car, obvs) I want to feel like every cell is vibrating so hard with happiness I might explode. I wanna harness the feeling of how good Tina looks in this video. Fire. 

I also love rainbows. I know the science but I believe the magic. That last video is also my all time favourite opening scene to a movie. Ever. 

Unless my memory gives me something new in a later post in which case don't reference this - my brain endlessly debates with itself as it is. 

a haiku:

Rainbow connection

I've got the music in me

Destination: Win.

xo

Inside jokes and hand signals

This never gets old

Talking animals and captioned pictures, isn't that what the intergoogles was invented for?

And promoting whatever cause I am riled up about.

AnywhateverthehellIwasonabout...inside jokes! I love them! Maybe because I have so many with everyone I know that it doesn't bother me when others do - I love watching friend groups have a little sizzle between them, a wee nudge-y nudge-y wink wink.

Tangent: Don't you love watching people? {Side Note: for the people who have had to wait for me for a long time I am truly sorry, it's extremely disrespectful. I'm sorry you're used to it. I will do better in the future, gradually. No one needs a shock to the system} I use times I am waiting for things to people watch. Seeing these varied microcosms and realizing I know nothing about the people around me nor them of me and I'm, like, ohemgee. We're all just possibility. You know that poster that's making its way across FB etc The one that says 

Omigod and this:

The other thing I have come to realize, sitting in this downtown establishment, is bitch needs to step her sartorial game up! LAdies! You're all hot! Slow clap! Dudes you're looking good as well but I don't crave your clothing. Off, yes but not on. Maybe this Venti was not a good idea?

And back to jokes. AAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! God, every time. 

Anyhoo, I have a series of hands signals I use with the inner circle, most of which stem from the BFF and I. Ahem:

If I make a hand shake signal at you that means - You have 22 mins left, shake hands, kiss babies, we out. 

If I make a ripping of the cord motion for a parachute with the intent to deploy that means - I am walking out the door with out without you. We have a code Red. Had. Shit, there I go. 

If I defiantly point at the sky, then aggressively downwards with just my pointer finger and then make a clockwise swirling motion that means - Cheesecake. Now.  

If I press both sets of fingertips together and then my thumbs forming an eyelet or vagina shaped opening and make 2-3 flutters of said eyelet or pump my palms toward each other that means - she's Whoreish. And, yes. I did just have a post on women being kind to each other but a) she cockblocked me, she knows I was hurting for attention. That's whoreish. b) Boys can be whoreish too. Trust. 

And so forth...

Most of the inside jokes for me pertain to nicknames, like why I call my best! friend! Egg! is that I told her she was a good egg in second year university at Conrad Grebel College (I got so fat, best food) and she laughed and laughed. And so, telling each other we were good eggs became habit but we're lazy and just egg is faster and better. MER! Other story TL; DR style. 

I was over at a friend's house for his 40th birthday dinner and there were three of them that have known each other for an eon and they slipped into just them talk. You know, you have it with your tightest homies - dropping words, being able to add the words "Crackerjacked," "you Know" and a raised eyebrow and They Know. They were chatting with each other that way and I found it fascinating. Isn't that nice? History and love? 

This Venti was for sure too much, I need water dialysis. 

a haiku:

butt enhancing skirt

tailored blouses in colour

I needs me that shiz

xo

No ripples

My BFF and I got a tattoo that says, "No ripples on the water," as in I have No Ripples and she has On the Water so that when we stand side by side (with our arms on each others shoulder) it is a continuous statement. Also, we love togetherness.

How this came about was we were out at Calabash for dinner - why were we there? Birthday? There was a reason.....anyhoo! - and happened to be taking in some Fresh Air before going into the restaurant. A gentleman walked by speaking loudly to himself while gesticulating, as some the denizens of the East side do, and the BFF was trying to casually watch from her periphery on high alert. I just kept talking and enjoying the Air, stopping to say, "keep calm - we aren't even part of his awareness." She questioned my unconcern at a potential negative interaction and I said, "No ripples on the water. I always stay impassive, make eye contact and then look away. I think it's good to acknowledge our worlds are brushing up against each other and then be okay with respectfully breaking contact."

I work hard at removing drama from my life and by that I mean me not reacting immediately to things - not giving a made up story/attached meaning a chance to percolate. Giving myself a chance to seek clarity through communication. Being aware of what about me is being reflected. To catch myself when I start to have imaginary conversations with people in my mind, to recognize how what I heard/perceived/remembered  doesn't make it truth. This is goddamn difficult - we are wired to think about ME, who's thinking about me? About what's "Fair" - this crazy notion that Fairness is when 'cui bono' is only myself. Let's not kid ourselves, I still get riled up over nonsense. This is a lifetime goal of learning to let go - I will repeat this theme here a thousand times, I'm sure.

I had the benefit of having an amazing friend whom I lost. However, that experience gave me the perception shift/heart change to look at a lot of things and say, not necessarily 'don't care' but more so, does this need my energy? Do I increase my happiness or those around me by getting excited or upset by it? Do I know what actions to take to bring this to completion or am I hanging out on my mental hamster wheel with zero joy being created? Making this my go-to way of being is a lifetime goal. 

Did these nylons run on purpose just to fuck with my day? Am I actually getting upset about micro plastic threads that have shifted? Did that person just give me the side-eye? Have they looked at what they are wearing? Is this person trying to hog the armrest? Listen high and mighty! I paid the same amount! I can't believe I am doing most of the house work around here, they should KNOW to help me. Oh litany of useless negativity that oh-so-comfortably floats through our subconscious. 

And they should KNOW? Anytime you say that to yourself should be a good clue not enough talking has been done. The tally you have in your head? You're the only one aware of it and probably not counting a bunch of things outside of your (never faulty!) memory. 

GOD! I am so smart, doling brilliant wisdom to you people. Do I do this? Who's blog is this? We don't need to correct MY behaviour around here. Move along. As a side note, Tea Tree Oil will fix anything. So will oil of oregano. True stories, both. 

On a lighter note. GOBAMA! No leader will be perfect for 250+MM people but you seem to be trying. 

a haiku:
get off albatross
wait, that's just my perception?
that's liberation

and just because...

xo

Red Tent

Oh hey hey

I had a shot of wheatgrass and am drinking a healthy beverage from Jugo Juice so that my body is tricked into health and wellness before I drink a few bottles of wine tonight. I mean, glasses. 

This will not win me friends and influence people but - I hate LOL. If something is truly funny that doesn't do it justice. If it's funny - I LAUGHED OUT LOUD. There is no judicious reason for my antipathy. Tis what it is. I know it's so it fits better in text messages but I don't like it. 

In other news, it's Friday and I am happy about it. Take a Ride on the flyin' spoon.

However, I am stating my intention to take on the inbred malicious competition between women. I'm not exactly sure how it starts. I know it's early as I remember sweet faced assholes in elementary. There is also a surreptitious desire to show that you're not like 'those' women - you're cooler than that cattiness, not recognizing that having to put another female down, bro'ing out and calling each other bitches is a stealthy patriarchal convention of divide and conquer. To all the lesbros, dudes, homies, amigos that are constantly saying bitches be crazy - you're not wrong but..that's because everyone is their own special snowflake, running a narrative they are too afraid to voice out loud and get clarity on since no one wants to be vulnerable. I know, gentlemen, you don't think that you contribute to this and I see the way you are genuinely clueless to this sometimes.  I get lumped in as 'one of the guys' often as commitment makes me hyperventilate and so I keep you and me FIRMLY in the dudes/friends zone.  

Ladies - I can tell you that while it is wearying to have to constantly prove I am not out to undercut you/steal your bf-hubby/spread gossip about you, I am willing to put in that work because I love you complicated, macro-thinking, threads-juggling gems. It's ok that your emotions are running high/are out of whack but the thing is you have to take charge. The responsibility of getting 'that bitch' to stop treating you that way is stop hoping karma gets her or that she'll see how right you are and you make a choice. Either talk to her, and dispense with the notion she is part of Jojo's Psychic Alliance, or kill her with kindness. I do this in every office I walk into - I mean, not with the people who are easygoing naturally, I high five them off the bat. However, if I find I am getting side-eyes from a femme-bot, I recognize that she doesn't know me and whatever she has told herself is a story outside of me/my control and I work slowly, steadily to break her out of that fiction and bring her into the zone where we are just individuals who are reasonable adults. Who step outside of the notion of 'zero-sum' where one of us has to lose in order for the other to 'win.' Smile. If you catch some brain chatter that really has no basis in fact, (and you can't count that one time she did that 'thing' - as we all can have moments of discourteousness) and it is not their whole personality/self,  just say 'I am not buying that. I'm going to go see how she feels about alpaca wool vs blended wool or if Brad Pitt has truly lost his mind doing that Chanel commercial.' Be a friend. I'm not saying if you have a vagina we have to be BFFs for life but being nice isn't actually that hard - it's some effort but so's being a meany. 

I am focusing on tha ladeeeez as I happen to be one but really, if everyone could be a little less 'right' and a little more prone to asking what someone actually means to communicate or how collaboration nation could happen - well, that'd be great. 

Take it home, Whitney 

a haiku:
Sharing is caring
Oranges smell really great
Shimmying is fun

xo

(P.S. I'm sorry about the ads before the youtube videos. Balls) 

It's the little things

Mostly little joys. I love half popped kernels of popcorn. The crusty edge of cheese on the nacho pan. The run in with an amigo while running errands. The first kick, kick in fresh sheets. A brand new notebook. No one watching me lick my plate like an animal. A day when you feel like you are the SHIT and someone hot gives you a looky loo. Heeeyyyyyy! A public washroom all to one's self to give back to the earth. The little bottles they attach to big bottles at the LCBO. A door held open. Non verbal exchanges with strangers over yet another stranger's bizarre behaviour. You nawimean, amirite? Why did you think clipping toenails was ok on the subway and why CAN'T I look away? Fresh croissants out of the bakery oven. Kittens battling giant long-suffering dogs

Omigod. So I wanted the perfect gif for whatever the hell I was thinking of 40 minutes ago when I started this and that thought is LONG gone. Here are some gems instead


I feel you, pussy


I have the same moves. In fact, I taught...no I didn't

I was having a less than stellar day and have had messages/jokes, support from all and sundry. It turns a girl's day around. Happiness and positivity are choices. 

I thought I loved pears but as I have snacked on them for the last week at work for my 4pm snack, I'm not feeling them. The Whoppers on my desk are cooing to me but I am a creature of moderation, Whoppers! Thou shall not weaken my resolve. Also, I'm going out for wings in 17 minutes, I can hold on. The Jersey Giant makes a bona fide hot sauce out of ground up habaneros which - thank you for your truth in advertising, JG. You know who doesn't like Frank's Red Hot as 'suicide' sauce? This guy. Although, I have oft said don't ask me if it's hot (in the house/outside/office) or if it's spicy. My father taught me to put on a sweater and live in the cold and that I was a big Jessie (Scottish for mother of all wimps) if I wasn't eating suicide wings at the age of 8. Now I can eat hotter than the big H so, thanks Daddy. 

When my horoscope is glowing and telling I'm the best I am amazed and delighted at its soothsaying ways. When it doesn't, pfft what does it know?

Speaking of little things - adult acne. Who the EFF lied to me about this being a teenage thing and who has a time machine so I can give them a fresh one across the mouth? The EFF! 

You know what's the best? wearing something/getting  your sheets straight outta the dryer. 

And you. You're the best. 

xo 

It's like a first date

Ho Hey!

Here's the get to know me part - I was trolling my own damn self on Facebook, because I have said some funny stuff, posted amazing links and love the comments my friends make. I don't like to brag - that's just the God's honest Truthiness. 

I use nicknames for everyone. MER = One = Egg = BFF as an example. Or addendums Yuri+nista is what I call my wing man, Yuri being her actual, beautiful - meaning Lily in Japanese - name. Look, you learned something new today, check one off in the 'Win!' column. 

Anyhoo - I found a "25 things about me" post that I put up in January of 2009  some things have changed, I no longer live in Lotus Land (Van-drizzle, love you!) but most of it, still samesies. 

Here we are:



Hell yeah! I love bandwagons! and Budwiser! 2012 Note - this is true, although I seldom abandon my lover Vodka.

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. 2012 note - you don't have to do this. Just lettin you know tha game...


1. I'm obsessed chewing an even amount of time on each side of my mouth. For instance if I masticate a chip on the left side, next chip goes to the right side, chew ten time on the left, ten times on the right and so forth. I know, crazy.

2. I have recently come to the realization I do not, in fact, play air guitar. I have been playing the air ukulele all these years. Regrettably, I think since having come to that realization I have consequently been over-compensating by playing the air bass. This causes mild worry about my goal to learn how to play a real guitar. 2012 note - BUT! if I did it would look like THIS

3. Brevity ain't the source of my wit.

4. I am sad I don't write. I'm constantly cajoled/admonished/ encouraged to do so but I don't. - 2012 Note Ah do! - I also love driving and snowboarding but I don't do those ever either -- legally.

5. I am a compulsive downloader, mostly of music that I find by typing something random like 'wrench' into Limewire and check out the top 10 songs that come up. Hence the reason I have things like - I have 10 friends and a crowbar that says you're wrong - good track, check it out. 2012 Note - I am actually more of a law abider now and use iTunes, as previously mentioned.

6. Despite having no license I am obsessed with the price of gas. I can tell you what 5 different pumps are charging in whatever city I am in

7. In regards to insects if you aren't a ladybug, caterpillar or black ant not in my cupboards I hate you and will Windex you to your next life.

8. I was SO LAME until 18yrs old. Like reading in the basement lame. No drugs, no booze, no boys - nothing. Look at me now! Still pure!

9. Even I can't understand my deep love oh hip hop. I'm white but get together with other white homies to discuss east vs. west coast, what's beef?, see Notorious in the theaters, spit verse and instinctively stick out my ass and shake what my mama gave me, Wikipedia the lives of Tupac, GrandMaster Flash, Jurassic 5, Dead Prez...

10. I moved to Vancouver for a simpler life, less snow and no more humidex. God's having a laugh at my expense. 2012 Note TDOT 4 LYFE!

11. My number 1 love is my mom, #2 is cheese, #3 is everything else. Hooray for everything! 2012 Note - I'll keep my mom but I must have drunk while typing this as it's actually Bacon. Everything is Bacon. However, Hooray for everything is in my top 5 favourite phrases.

12. There is too much public transit dancing in my life and not enough sweaty gettin' down in a club dancing. NoFunCouver. - 2012 Note, slagging Vancouver is not nice, I am the Captain of my own Ship and should have made more choices to dance even if it had to be on Granville with 19 yr old suburbanite children. Ew, cancel that.

13. I employ my expansive vernacular to decimate the self worth of dudes that approach me then conversely ameliorate the situation with skillful application of appreciation and self deprecating humour until either their minds break under the strain or I get bored. 2009 - the year of being nice. 2012 Note - ok it wasn't. C'man 2013!!

14. I love my BlackBerry. Non-verbal communication friends, it's the wave of the loving future. 2012 Note - Omigod it's like the ancient times! Blackberry? Sad about that. Android FTW!!

15. I can't lie - ever since she went bat shit crazy and shaved her head I have firmly planted a flag for Team Britney. I love her new album- everything, everything is such a blur...

16. I think rugby gave me the best body of my life but I think running has been the best thing I could have done for my life...no foil blankets!

17. My goal in life is to be lazily swinging from a hammock, surfing or playing air ukulele from a white sandy beach that I move to after I win the lottery or have the book I write optioned into a movie with merchandise.

18. I think I have the largest made up vocabulary of anyone I know. This parlays into me calling maybe 10% of my friends by their first/real names.

19. Out of the two of us my brother is the better sibling. I feel our relationship can be summed up by fights we joined in elementary if someone attacked the other, my brother not letting thugs beat me up and then not killing me himself when I threatened the cab driver in San Francisco (his favourite story), the time he threw a ghetto blaster at my forehead giving me a unicorn horn and I told my parents it was my fault.

20 Related (a pun!) would be my estimation that my Scottish side are my rockstars and my Croatian side teaches endurance and a love of salty meats. Too bad both sides have bad tempers and drink too much! hahaha!

21. My mom likes to make me roll my eyes by telling me I should do stand up. Of the many reasons that that isn't a good idea would be - it's in a bar- I only do one thing well(ish) in a bar, hecklers wouldn't get a verbal beating (Reference bad temper from 2 ethnicities), you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes but shit! I'm funny! This funny - and I co-sign this sentiment.

22. i love Jesus.

23. I would really love more road trips and campfires in my life.

24. I will roast an animal on a spit, mark my words. 2012 Note - this is still very much a goal.

25. I imagine beating the shit out of people as I walk up the street everyday. 2012 Note - Don't be scurred.
Peace!




I am an evolving butterfly and it's My Time.