I am amazeballs as knowing what I need to do - I am great at seeing the behaviours I need to change - I can advise people with salient, efficient suggestions that are usually accepted. But I do not. and I don't try.
I am surrounded by drivers and winners and they count me in this group. What I am doing here is whining. I am using time to complain instead of taking action - specifically, productive and efficient action. I am spinning wheels as cover for living a small life actions and they are time wasters. I can step outside myself and say Self! Shenanigans! You know better! You know how sweet the relief singing through your body will be when you let - that - albatross - GO!
I KNOW this! Know it as a certainty and yet, don't. It's maddening. For me, those who believe in me and I am choosing to stay on this hamster wheel. I'm bigger than this! I want to break free but I am letting myself be dominated by the insidious voice with its fear tentacles enshrouding my hope and action that says nothing changes, I don't change, give up, stay down.
I know it's as simple as letting go. I am reading an awesome book by Ryan Blair and he basically says there are two kinds of people. When you are down, beat down, either you use that as a stand and start fighting or you stay down and give up. Gross! UP! I want to be the person up and fighting! Bloody knuckles, sweat pouring off me, never say die.
This small life is bullshit! I have a million people that LOVE me, I am smart as fuck, I am the most socially savvy animal, I will never be homeless or hungry, I have mobility. Stop squandering. Stop disbelieving. I am a special snowflake.
I read a quote:
and my first thought was, I make excuses. I must not want it for myself enough. Jesus WEPT! Get a hold of yourself!
My past is not my present nor does it determine my future. I know this as fact, now I need to tattoo it on my heart. Have it be the mental linebacker against fear's offense.
My capabilities are endless.
I will drop my albatrosses.
Failure is a gift.
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