I worked in Early Childhood Education centres for a while (at one place we called wine 'nachos', so we could talk about how excited we were for the first 'bite' the second the last ankle biter left) in addition to being a nanny and am now at an age where my female friends are starting to hear uterus-based gongs ringing.
I myself, would much rather work in a big cats sanctuary than breed but chacun son goût, n'est-ce pas?
VS
I'm just sayin'... I had one friend call me up to tell me that their adorable tyke had shot feces out of their brown onion to the adjacent wall. 4 feet away. 8 months old. DECLINED.
Anywho, I was starting to wake bambinos up at one place I helped forming humans happen and, as was my wont, I went to the back room to start with the kids there.
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE!
I am NOT exaggerating! It's cold season and one Sweet Cherub in his slumber dug for gold and, I don't know, severed his brain stem. At least that's what it looked like. Important life lesson, when in full panic my heartbeat actually slows and my skin gets very cool. (Google that later, self)
He groggily says hello and starts to tell me about his dream in the vernacular a 20 month old possesses. The other bambinos stir and eventually one wanders over to take my hand and starts to ask about snack when they notice their tiny compatriot looks like a missing extra from Saw 10. 'What's wrong with Sweet Cherub?' This alerts SC to the fact that something is off in his world. (You didn't know!?!) Which sends me into a campaign manager in a Republican office after the married 'straight' boss is caught with a dude whirlwind. The Universe, truly had my back as I seldom pre- put out the snacks since, dairy + Children. sometimes it's not nice. I can't tell you the amount of times I have said god! jesus! what is that!?! after a big ol'diaper reveal. Lawdamercy.
This monumental day I had been extra prepared and so sent the first batch of kids out to wake the other kids up and sit at the table. 34 seconds later there's a chorus of 'which one's mine' and 'don't touch my stuff.' I plant SC in the bathroom and cheerily sing song ''stay here for bubble time!' - I sort out the team. Cheerfully stuffing their faces, one has the presence of mind to ask about SC to which I say remember the lesson on spreading germs and tissue? (Chorus) yes! well SC is learning that lesson in a different way today and if everyone isn't quiet and finishes their snack and waits for me we'll all be learning the lesson of silence and sitting by oneself on the corner. There are blanks stares as I may have spoken at a pace unrecognizable to all but robots. Or because they were all under two. Regardless, back to bubble time. I hastily undress SC since I know I have 6 mins until the first member of the team will finish their tasty bites (can't hate, I wake up hungry too) and gets the fidgeting party that turns into the touching things we're not supposed party and then, well Dante wrote about what happens next. The bubbles have barely formed when I'm finishing the rinsiroo saying wasn't that fun you must be hungry I wonder what everyone else is doing lift your foot other foot and GO time!
Then there's the future A-hole who looks at you full in the eye as you say for the 39th time don't touch that and slowly extends their hand. It's almost as if you and that object are physically linked as the second the pad of their finger glances against the surface an army of devils starts conga-ing on your spine. I actually said to a 1 1/2 yr are you fucking with me?!? to which the giant brown eyed ethereally blond beauty beamed at me.
Fine. As long as we understand each other.
In truth - I do love other people's kids. The first child born into one friend group called her favourite doll by my name and when my name was said she would hold up one finger for #1. That's right. Number MF 1.
When at the scene of the massacre one mom came up to me and told me that I was her kid's first word I felt really bad for the mom and elated for me as it was from my favourite. That kid and I would beam at each other in mutual love. When a kid curls up next to you and sleepily corrects you in a story because they know it by heart. I dare you not crumble. I had regular sleep overs with 3 of my friends kids since, like myself, they had no family in that province and needed a sleep in once in a while. We had the best time. Everything you loved about your cool aunt? Me. Not that I am not firmly about rules - they're like puppies. Need serious boundaries. Calm voice. That's a No.
Best of all, I have a god-son to go to Neverland with.
The Future - My sibling and their partner are one trimester in. I feel that will be life changing. I'm excited.
To NOT change diapers ayooooooooo!
a haiku:
true childhood magic
and I don't wanna grow up
just gimme the perks
xo
No comments:
Post a Comment