Countdown...

In a being careful for what you wish for frame of mind I am seeing the message of necessary risk come up repeatedly. That out of one's comfort zone is the place to be - that fear, stubbornness and repulsion is an indicator that you are getting closer to what you truly want/being free of what holds you in place. And I am summoning the strength to jump (god, even tip toe) into that zone. I know I am capable of anything but the maintenance I do on my self built barriers would put Atlas to shame. I want it all, I'll get it all, I'll change all if I feel like it but I'm moving towards it. Perpetual rebirth. 


Glorious, amnesia inducing Spring is upon us. Embittered souls, growling about the weather with bleary eyes glittering between hats and scarves are suddenly goddamn wood nymphs tra-la-la'ing over the sidewalk. This is what possibility feels like - the Big Reveal. Parkas are about to be shed like despondent exoskeletons with gleaming (it has been months without sun exposure) skin revealed, hairs no longer lashed under hats is gettin' did, the first tingle of sun warmed skin, the smell of virgin baking dermis, the languorous eyes of your fellow winter prisoners blinking in reaction to the same sights and smells you're reeling from and then... randy. Everyone is feeling revitalized and ready for action. And Action. Pulling out tank tops and bikes and coolers. It's not as if we never went out, had no high fives, didn't revel in each others' company but it was an act of defiance against the Oppression (hereafter referred to as a typical Winter) whereas now is an act of pure joy, reflecting love and good-will to our fellow person 

** No offense November through March babies, YOUR birthday was the shit!! **

Everyone is planning vacation, off loading work, cutting early, toes in sand, beers on decks, drifting in hammocks, hands dangling from boats, whiterabbitwhiterabbitwhiterabbit, spider dogs, everything in tumblers, did you bring ice?, watermelon  and faces turned up. Months of it. That first deep breath, eyes closed, when you get to the cottage/camp ground/road trip pit stop and there is officially nothing to do. The moments that flashback when laughing about 'that time.' 

It seems like my iPod is extra good about picking my right now favourite song when I am wearing a cute dress with wedge sandals and a hot sun hat. Patios, a pen of pleasure and pints. I can't pin down what makes nighttime conversations with perspiration running down one's back, and the side of one's glass, better but it is. 

I cannot wait to evaluate my neighbours on their evolving barbecuing skills, buy 17 pairs of sunglasses (I lose things) and go to concerts at Echo Beach. I saw Childish Gambino there and it was just so fun, mostly because I was with Team Win (oh hey Team!) and we shimmied and lovingly elbow guided our way to the front with room for dancing out my feelings. Man, if there was one piece of advice I was going to give out it's dance like nobody's watching. Hackneyed? Heck yeah but while it is possible I look like the cartoon version of someone in a accidental flail but I FEEL like Alex Owens fulfilling life long dreams. God, that movie continuously makes me happy. What a feelin'! Everyone should have a moment of feeling free and having their favourite tune reverberating back at them. Extra Loud. 
Also, probably good that that's not the one piece of advice I give out. 

I need to curate myself a mini book list for lying in grass and feeling the wind lazily bathe me. It's one of my favourite thing for time to be suspended and to just stare into blades of grass beside my head and just let my thoughts drift. My favourite colour in the world is the green that you see when light shines through a leaf. It immediately both soothes and stimulates me. I may have mentioned this before but it's my favourite and my blog so... 

I might need cowboy boots. My mind is basically making tomorrow summer but it might not so I should suss out other sartorial staples than flippy floppies. It might also be because I am listening to one of the very few country songs to sneak past my lack of appreciation for the genre. I do love cowboys though. Well, the ones in my mind - how I feel about an actual lives on a ranch, brands animals at the break of dawn dude remains to be seen.

I think this might be the year I become a champion lawn dart player. I wonder if I can find the ones from my childhood with the 4 inch metal spike. I could also try and master the first cartwheel of my life but my wrists. They're sensitive. 

I been drinkin, I been drinkin, watermelon. I want my entire summer to be one, long Beyonce video shoot. I don't need yachts, unless they're in Croatia. It's the new black. Shoutout to the Mother's land. Basically I imagine tossing my hair a lot (I need to grow out my hair) throwing up my hands in a pulsing push away motion while enjoying cigars with my super hot boyfriend. (I need to grow out a boyfriend) I'm also going to make my way through a Food and Drink magazine. Not pinterest style as in I am going to rip the pages out of the magazine and put them on the fridge until they are made and glasses  clinked with great friends. There's World Pride in the Tdiz and I have a group of rambunctious party animals coming into town for it (and ME!) and there are few take no prisoners (but tie some people up) don't stop parties like Gay Christmas and I'm going to dance in the streets with gorgeous men who have zero interest in vagina, compatriots who can outloud announce that they - love glitter. 

One Pride I saw George Stroumboulopoulos probably interviewing people for either Much Music or the New Music and I had SUCH A CRUSH on him so I ran up to him said, 'I love what you are doing on the New Music,' he thanked me, said  I was too kind and I ran away. There was no point to that anecdote but does tell you about everything you need to know about 91% of my interactions with any man I find attractive. 

I hope this summer features more champagne. And gin. Maybe together, who knows - I been drankin. 

a haiku

gonna bare it all
enjoy icy in the heat
summetime party

xo