The Ugly Cry

Sweet, sweet catharsis

Hold onto your hats but I just watched Beaches for the first time in my life - 

with my friend D sitting beside me (not her first time - amazing that things you have seen a million times still punch the old weep button - not a euphemism for gonads) we looked stoically ahead for most of the film and then. Heaving shoulders, tissues stuck under my glasses frames, blowing noses several times, nigh on hysteria (but not full on hysteria) low wavery tones, some oh gods and then!

Laughter. Because there is one thing (barring the on-set of genuine tragedy) that never fails - looking at a friend in full movie ugly cry is the BEST! Still shudder-y breaths making for staccato sentences, I mean - c'man! - we did just run the emotional gamut that was a testament to the bond of true friendship, the profundity of loss and the heroic strength of carrying on. LAWD! when she sings in this scene - I thought I had been finished with the abject weeping but no. Onwards.  It wasn't you! you're still safe! You have triumphed over the epic, fictionalized emotional adventure. 

I goddamn love the weeping, mostly alone though as I want to be WAHHH! HAHA UNGH snort WAAAHHHH! - either you know what I'm talking about, have seen it in action or have walked away with impeccable timing in your whole life. Or in theatres. I remember one time - I was trying to poke the grey matter to see if it would give me a title. We're fighting. - and in the midst of my delicate saline drops gracefully rolling down my soft cheeks, I turned my head (looking for more kleenex?) and looking diagonally down the seats could see shiny cheeks abound. It did momentarily bounce me out of the movie magic, brain offered sardonic - pussies, all weeping at fake people on celluloid - and then I chided the sardonic voice and settled back into the glass case of emotion. I know that's why some people adore opera. They can EMOTE! I saw La Boheme and sweet Mimi...I say no more in case you were about to run out and get some culture. Or Ballet! Swan Lake! Odile!

anyhoo - I think there's something deeper here about how we are all connected in our humanity through emotion and the language of feeling is universal but really what I wanted to get at is, don't wear mascara. It ruins the sweet release after the purge of emotions.  You want to be all diaphragm breath of letting go and clear minded about the truths you have glimpsed about yourself. No one wants to be all god, that was so beautiful...whatthehell! my face! I look like a Halloween house reject! 

Those Greeks - really onto something with their tragedy/comedy. 

Side note: Anderson Cooper. Your laugh is a sign that the BBJ loves the Pink Tribe. I could watch that on repeat. 

Anyhoo - ugly cry. I get super flushed, all sinus cavities run and my face twists into a unrecognizable mish mash of features. Then I need a settee to fling my self upon and pulled my shambled self together. Or cucumber slices and cool towel wrapped around my face while someone massages me in a soothingly scented room with twittering bird music. 

Ugly crying in summation - It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

a haiku:

Can't fight this feeling

Want to punch dance out my rage

Then let's hug it out

xo