Fairy Godmother

I would like my fairy godmother to go ahead and come in and take care of everything.

What I mean by that is I don't want personal responsibility - my finances, my love life, my job - Someone else take the reins.

What I mean by that is that I have a deep seated fear that I will not be 'enough' to create the life I want and revel in the actions needed to get there. No one's life is better than mine, the better is more work.

Here is what I am going to take action on. 

Leaving my heart open - I have been saying all along that I want a relationship but that's not true. I was sure that I would be Plan B for anyone. Better to stay single than be rejected. Also, don't make eye contact. That might start something.
New Actions - take off your sunglasses, smile, it will only be uncomfortable for a second since it's bewilderingly unfamiliar to someone as theoretically 'open' and 'desiring of more love' as I am. The actions of putting myself out there will remove those quotation marks and some dude is going to be all hang on a tick, she's AWESOME - and the baggage that I could NEVER ADMIT EVER will be revealed for the fairy tale I constructed it to be.

Money - I suck at keeping it and moving it to appropriate zones. This one will be tough as I am trying to move into my own place in the city which is basically the pinnacle of the 'Want' pyramid and I do have other mini goals tied to it.
Actions - Cash budget with leaving all cards at home. I can stretch $20 when I  have to. I can also blow it on a magazine and a coffee, a pastry and mints for later at Starbucks for no reason at all. Direct debits, I can't spend cash I can't see. There are other actions to be taken here but a) I don;t want to face them and b) not everything needs to be shared on the intergoogles.

Fitness - I could compile a truly informative and easily absorbed novella on easy to take steps/tips from all the info I have downloaded and amassed by other means. I looooove information.
Actions - I am going to looooove action. You know, the thing that will re-shape my body? I truly want to be healthy. Mostly healthy. I don't want to ever take it easy on the bacon or the booze if I am out on the town. Cheese, probably not in the moderation category either and frankly, only a robust grizzly bear is getting between me and the fridge late at night. However, if this grizzly bear has a hankering for celery a deal could be made. Celery is something I buy since it has 'negative calories' so I can turn it into compost in 7 easy days in my fridge. I guess I could eat it. with peanut butter.
As I drink my third cup of coffee (ok, so I am not totally to blame here - a) my boss buys effing amazing single origin beans on the reg and that shit's good b) a co-worker just came back from COLUMBIA and brought batches of beans from micro schmancy farms so, you know) I should be on my third cup of water. If only it WOULD drink itself. I need a double walled sippy cup. Total honesty - I love sippy cups more than anything. I could blissfully drink a bottle Buckley's cough syrup through a sippy cup. That may be hyperbole.
Oh! Fitness! So the moral of the story here is I do not want to be complaining of aches and pains and developing diabetes. Obviously, I will wear a bikini and post endless photos of my slammin bod as well but health is kind of a one shot deal and a nightmare to claw back.

My family - not that I am a burden to them but I don't do as much as I should. Especially for my grandparents who are hail mary throwers/catchers depending where I am on the field. They would be anything for me and I have not been reciprocal. Not a shithead, but not reciprocal.
Actions - at least one weekend per month to help the people sharing my genetics. Random days thrown in but not 'me first' as often. This is a good goal as  I love fun and it's more often than not priority #1. I love fun. Ask what they need and do it regardless. I do like to say what I think they need and do that but that doesn't actually warm the subcockles of anyone's heart.

I have it pretty good. I will clap myself on the back for that - I do know I am surrounded by love, there is nothing stopping me (but me), my body will embrace getting stronger, my mind is a hella entertaining place for me and sometimes others.

If you need something - a haiku, buttons sewn on, music recommendation, physical labour, cheetos - please don't hesitate to ask.

What I need is your good thoughts, an inquiry on what I have accomplished and patience.

The thing is you know what to do, so do I - the challenge is to love yourself so much that you feel the earth beserves the best of you and that that's an infinite supply. You are the best. The more of that you put out the more is gets reciprocated and repeated. We become each other's springboard into a pool of delight. Which is great.

Take it. It's yours.

a haiku:
some transformation
forgiveness and re-focus
more joie de vivre

xo