Freefall

"The door to the invisible must be visible," wrote the surrealist spiritual author Rene Daumal. This describes an opportunity that is on the verge of becoming available to you. The opportunity is still invisible simply because it has no precedents in your life; you can't imagine what it is. But just recently a door to that unknown realm has become visible to you. I suggest you open it, even though you have almost no idea what's on the other side. 

The toes clenched tight to the edge of the cliff, the stomach churning with fear and vivacity. Heightened senses causing skin to tingle everywhere the breeze glances by. Taking chances - no greater test of being alive. I am incrementally moving towards being someone who revels in that rush, who takes the jump. Not listening to the greasy voice that whispers, 'Stay safe, back away, maybe try later, consider what could happen.' You know, because we all have Jojo's psychic capabilities. I mean that actually, to in fact say I have no idea what will happen but I have let the bogeyman be in charge. The maybes squash my possibilities. Which are infinite, magical, an unfulfilled promise.
I do love making fresh coffee in the morning, more so on the weekends - let's be real, yo, but when you first grind the beans/catch the first whiff of the bewitching aroma and are instantly charged. I'm gonna DO THIS day. I will be resuming morning runs with a partner. I miss the 'I'm so angry I'm awake' dissolving into quiet, evolving into just joy. The light as it creeps along waters, radiates through branches and leaves and the stillness. A stillness that peels back the noise, raucous in my mind, until I just want to sing. My running buddy and part time saviour and I would go through a litany of thanks while pounding trails through Stanley Park and along an abandoned seawall. Thank you to the Goddess Gaia for this bounty! Thank you big baby jesus for the sea air as an apology to my still sleepy lungs! Thank you Buddha for no one else on this trail right now! Thanks legs for doing this! Thanks running buddy for being annoying/persistent enough to outweigh sleeping through this magnificence. Thanks from future me to current me for being able to go guilt free to after work drinks!  The high five at the end of a morning run, when you see bleary eyed, zombie-esque people lurching from their homes and you are ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE! is an explosion of magic that illuminates the whole day. 
I see you Cynical Cindy styles over there and trust! this is the total truth. Confessional Cathy admits that the aforementioned wonder and joy hasn't happened in....well, years. I am singing a siren song to myself that will lure me back to that place of awesomeness. 
I really want to run another marathon, I felt very accomplished when it was over and I did appreciate (in hindsight) the dedication it took to get the miles (on miles, on miles) done every week. I feel I'd also like to get into rock climbing. Dudes. I like watching the backs of climbers. Watching the interplay of muscles straining and firing to make an explosive move take a person higher, further. I'd like that strong back/core/etc. Plus, I think it would make me 41% sexier and frankly, I'm starting from a good base of hotness. People talk about it. And by people I mean my best friend and my cat. Who agrees. I'm sure that's what that blink and resumed napping meant. 
I am thrilled, THRILLED people that it is Hallowe'en-y time. Now, I am not putting in my usual effort/ardor as laziness trumped desire this go round but still I'm Golden Girl-ing it up with some festive, fascinating broads. I love thinking of what to go as, the procuring of the costume items, the seeing other people be full on into it. They sing the song of my people. There is so much play and so much freedom in dressing up and going out with that mentality?!! Fun! Fun is the only thing that will happen - ab exercising laughter, bombshells and amazement. I cannot wait for what is to come. I know it will be great. God, that was a good time - type of memories. Pieces of enchantment. 

Special shout out to my best friend on the day of her birth. You are my favourite partner in crime. I love running errands that turn into jokes and merriment. I enjoy being the side kick to the adventurous plans you embark on. You love me more than most, believe in me all the time, want the best for me and shitdamn, it's reciprocal. I cannot wait to be napping together as old ladies by the beach. I'm a ninja. Behind you. Love you Mer, forever and ever. 

a haiku:

feeling so merry
gonna have shenanigans
it's all amazing.

xo