Drop it

"...If you are having a hard time ask yourself “What am I resisting?”, “What am I afraid of losing?”, “Who am without all the mask of protection that I’ve built up over the years?”. August is going to get deeper with your intent and what you focus on you will get at lightning speed..."


I had a very fulfilling day. I got up earlier than I would prefer on a Saturday, I was at Baka and Dida's as per usual to kick out some errands for them. I mowed the lawn. Sidebar, I am truly terrible at mowing lawns. Like, I like to go in a square spiral like pattern, continuously in one motion but I do a 94 point turn to get into the next line. Bizarro. Anyhoo, I leaf blew? Blowed? hahaha, mind in the gutter. The moral of the story I previously disdained the leaf blower as an egregious waste of resources but fuck a duck, it's the best. Get outta here leaves! I gleefully murmured get off my lawn as scraps of nature blasted away powerless against my electricity powered might. Dream. Vacuumed the shit outta all the shit, including the ceiling crease as Baka can smell dust. I did some other things but my mind is leaving this topic. Why am I...oh yeah! Fulfilling! So, I was originally thinking to link up with hoes at the Taste of the Danforth but wasn't super about the crush of people so met A&A at the Dirty Duff, got new gitch and had one A back to my house where I made the absolute fucking best meal of my life and it was vegan. There may be a memo there but I will not be picking it up at this time. Gave A the best tarot reading of their recent past (mayhaps ever), we hugged it out and now here I am with you, gentle reader.


I am an epiphany generator. I know why for most of my hamster wheels of behaviour/thought, not all - some remain stubbornly deep rooted under the dark zone. The why that remains most elusive is the reason behind my resistance to going from realization to action. That will truly be me as a firework when I get that piece. There will be nowhere to hide and then all the actions will have to happen. Or I'm projecting and these can be pebble drops in the pond, little rings of actions. Gentle, even.


I've had a significant boost in feeling beautiful though. That's not nothing for me and I'm trying to respect it and see where it comes from instead of regarding it as trivial and stupid to contemplate or letting myself wallow in the shitty self view.


I feel it is known that I love Spotify but I, strangely, only recently discovered the stations that just keep guessing based on a song choice and it's just injecting a hot beef, no wait, is giving my joy a hot beef injection? I think that's right. Although right now Spotify is not letting me make a new station telling me I'm offline and I have used up my one IT trick or turning it on and off and still it thwarts me. Lo! what douchebaggery is this? I fixed it. I just needed to not be instantly angry and let my prickling at change/obstruction make me nuclear. Something, something memo. It's not even midnight, I'm a moderate.


Man, Foo Fighters are really something, like, it can't be understated. I can't not cry when I see that Rockin'1000 video. GD.


Currently getting the best of me are my boss and Baka, no ragrats. Both deserving and delightful. In my mind I write a gentle roast of my boss all the time that I would give if he was being honoured somewhere/significant birthday. Anyway, you should know it kills with my imaginary audience with every edit. I need to channel that supporting, loving audience more often. Weezer is my level of irreverence and earnestness. I forget bro went to Harvard.

If only Spike wouldn't look me dead in the eyes as he did all the things he knows burns my brown onion. 

A haiku:

So solitary 

All the heart crashing cymbals

Look up it's okay.

xo

A