This song is one of my touchstones. 'Be the change you want to see'
This particularly is in my face as I have been full of anger in regards to the Steubenville rape case. I wanted to castrate the perpetrators and the people supporting them.
However, what I am actually committed to is there being no rape. Ever. That doesn't happen being full of hate and causing harm to others, regardless of how wrong I think they are. It's a matter of changing conversations. Who didn't share love with the perpetrators earlier and so they actually went through with these actions? How do young men around me whom I love and think the world of think it's funny to joke/shame about a woman's sexuality and her dress? I'd like to change the conversation of us vs them, aggressor vs victim to community with communication. What would you like? Why not dream big? Why limit and say that's the way it is or will be? Create anew. It's not just something some people do - it's what we are all capable of.
You know what's under appreciated? Physical touch - I know, weird segue after rape but honestly do you get hugged enough? Do kids in orphanages and adults in rehab? I don't mean to be Debbie Downer but I think I have shied away from touching people since I was worried it would be unwelcome/thought of as weird. F'sho I would make sure I was getting a yes vibe from another person or asked permission but I am into hugging people. I'm also going to walk around less with my iPod in as much as music is as important to me as water I am cutting myself off from people. Don't bother me, mind your own business, no touchy.
Bupkis - there is no zero sum. My wins are not lesser if you win too. I don't need you to lose for us all to get ahead. It makes everything exponential. I have more resources and opportunities since my friends are getting more out of life.
I think of all the times my abs have hurt from laughing with friends. The inside jokes between my homies. My mom stroking my hair when I have been sick, been hurt or discouraged. There's love. I wanna push it out until it touches everyone. I'm so tired of saying what the FUCK! at human behaviour. Sure, evil exists! I dimiss that as something that determines the future or what we are capable of changing.
I am actually getting tension in my shoulders from geting riled up.
Ah Youtube - providing unexpected gems. Remember 'Land Before Time'? Shit, I cried right through this movie. This basically made me cling to my mom and worry about the environment. Kids movies - the genius ones get me every time. You know what I love about movie theatres? They're dark and loud so no one can see Weepy McGee in full force. I watched The Impossible. Cried throughout that one with random bursts of hysterical laughter as my BFF and I would catch a sight of each other's mangled, puffy faces from the sobbing.
I'm dialing this back. I love Craig Ferguson, I need to go see his show one of the next times I am in NYC. I also have a deep lub-dub in my heart for Neil Patrick Harris. Goddamn, funny men together makes my self high five myself.
I was in a class this weekend and we were encouraged to tell an embarrassing story. I'ma share mine with you since I don't want you to go away disempowered and sad about the state of things. We're gonna make magic happen and people explode with happiness, I promise.
So anyways - my grandparents were thinking of getting a cottage around the time I was 8 years old. I don't remember ever being a germaphobe as a youth and I am certainly a champion of the 5 second rule today. I feel cleanish is often as good as clean. And so - we are on a 6 hour journey to an oasis of untouched nature equipped with a cabin, so there was a little touching. Halfway through the roadtrip we stop off at a campsite/park to have some lunch. After victual ingestion, I need to use the facilities. Turns out the facilities are not so well kept outhouses. I don't remember seeing outhouses before this age. When I realize what's going on - a giant shithole - and see the giant black flies coming out of it I give it the old hellz no and decide to take care of nature in nature. I wander off to the "forest" and start wandering through the bushes, looking down being careful to separate the thorny branches from tearing my tender skin asunder. Eventually, the "forest" has a "clearing" and so I get down to business. I am exhaling the deep satisfaction of a load being dropped when I hear a curious rumble. It is only at this point that I actually raise my gaze past my toes. Is...that a gravel road? Is the thought forming just as a maroon 1985 Dodge Caravan glides into sight. I am in the line of sight of a Boy Scout troupe. 5 little faces pressed up against the window and what thought happens to occur is - 'If I don't move, maybe they'll think I'm a statue.'
Yep, always been this classy.
a haiku:
high fives are magic
won't you cuddle puddle too?
groove is in the heart
xo
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